Stories from April 1st – 2022 Edition

Animal Shelter Provides Safety for Stray Council Members

The new Garland Animal Shelter, which recently had its grand opening, serves as a safe haven for more than just lost pets. It also has a special kennel dedicated to housing our lost politicians.

Worried constituents gather outside the shelter in search of their lost representative.

One member of the city management had this to say:

“Well, it’s my fault really. Amazon delivered a package to the front desk at City Hall, and I left the door open. The councilman ran right out and into the street. We’re just glad that the health department picked him up and kept him safe for us.”

Garland continues to lead the nation in the capture and humane release of its politicians.

Planning Notification Translations

Following up on an earlier initiative, the city intends to include additional languages in its planning and zoning notifications. In an attempt to get additional youth involvement, the current forms which are written in English, Spanish, and Vietnamese, will be expanded to include “Gen-Z”.

A provided sample letter reads:

The PZ of the COG will hold a high key meet on Case Z 21-24 on March 16, 2022, 7:00 p.m. at William E. Dollar Municipal Building, 200 N. Fifth Street, Garland, Texas. Feel free to sip tea while the fam gives the applicant an L or W, or live rent free in the heads of the commissioners with your comments, which are limited to 3 minutes. If you sign up to speak and then ghost us, it’s big yikes, no cap. For more information, find us on Myspace- wait, no, Facebook- we mean snapchat? Is that it? Instagram? Twitter? We can’t keep up. Bet.